Lonely

There is everything I can get, I can pursue, and I can have except the reason of my loneliness. I’ve known that loneliness differs from being alone. You can only be alone when there’s no one with you or for you. But you can be lonely in a crowd of millions. Being alone has no expectations but being lonely has desires of someone or some people to be with you because you cherish their presence, you love them but what strikes hard is they don’t. It’s not like they purposely don’t but there are reasons to it which you’ll only know when you come into consciousness. Being in love is being unconscious. Your moods become the driving force, they act on you than you act on them. You mould yourself as they demand, you don’t see what’s right but you just go the way they lead you which you feel as in a utopian path until they vanish, they shatter you in a moment. You try to search them but you don’t see them. Suddenly you feel, you didn’t deserve them or there are people better than you and these are the reasons the person who led you this far left you. So you move on, with a hope to get them back, with a past that would haunt you many insomniac nights, with a faith in something magical you don’t understand. You hate yourself and love them more, for they are a boat who left your shore. Oh! How nice they were, you feel. If only they were with you, you feel. Oh! How much you loved them, you feel. If only they loved you back, you feel. These feelings neither consume you nor set you free, they make you suffer and ruin your being. Feeling all these all at once is being lonely.

Posted by Aditya